One Minute
by Kaayleeiighh
Summary: Ant's drinking got out of control one night after getting some awful news from Lisa. He takes it out on Dec. As a result he ends up in a psychiatric hospital, and has to remember what has happened Some swearing and violence, but not much
1. Chapter 1

"Okay Mr McPartlin, how are we feeling today?"

"Come on, Jen, we've been doing this for 2 months now! I'm feeling the same as I have every other day. I don't see why you can't let me go and see my wife and friends; there's no need for me to be here!"

"Anthony, you know why you're in here. You can't leave until you are better."

"Better! What do I need to get better for? I'm in here for drinking too much on ONE night and now I'm stuck here! Why didn't you just fine me and send me on my way?"

"You know this isn't the police station, Ant. Remember this is the hospital, and drinking isn't the reason you're in here."

"Urgh! Why've you got me in a hospital then?" He stood up. "You know what, sod this, I'm off to my room to email Dec."

With that, Ant walked out the room and slammed the door behind him. Jen stayed seated and muttered to herself, "Oh Anthony, when are you going to remember?"

She gathered her notes and followed where Ant had gone. Just down the long white corridor, Ant was, as expected, in his room typing away.

"Ant, what are you doing?" "Same thing I do after every little 'session', I email Dec and tell him what's happened and then I'll ring Lisa."

"You can't email him. Now come on, let's finish the meeting," Ant didn't look up. "You know I'll finish it in here! And I know you don't like it when your private space gets filled with so much 'negativity'."

"Sounds like you're talking crap to me. If you wanna talk then shoot, but I need to write this email."

"Ant, why doesn't Declan visit?" Ant looked up from his screen with an empty look on his face

"I...I guess he has errr... Work to do... It's what? November, errr... He'll be in Australia, right?"

"No," Jen drew in a sharp breath and gently massaged her forehead. "Do you remember what happened the night you were supposed to jet off to Australia?"

Ant concentrated on typing, not really paying any attention to Jen. "No, something though I'm guessing"

"Yes, something. And that something is what you block and why you are here. Ant, I know what happened is traumatic, but you can't leave here until you come to grips with it." All she got was a grunt. "Come find me when you're done and we'll talk."

"See Dec, I know you'll understand. Here is strange, I really hate it! I've been here ages. I totally get if you want to go do I'm A Celeb without me, but I'll sort my drinking out then come meet you. This psychologist has got me talking lots, says I'm blocking something. I think talking to you will help. Please pop in for a visit next time Lisa comes down. Anyway, I best go talk to Jen, I'll speak to you later." He sent the message and jumped off his bed. As he walked towards the phone in the corridor, his laptop made an all too familiar sound- a beep. Ant had always presumed it meant the email had sent. This beep meant no such thing. It was to tell him the email address couldn't receive the email. In his inbox were now 258 emails from the postmaster. All unread.

* * *

"It's just not fair, Lis! Why! Why can't he be here!?"

"I've explained it to you a million times, babe! You did something, and what you did can't be changed, he can't come here."

"He can! Whatever I did, I'm sorry. He knows I won't do it again! Lis please just get him to talk to me."

Lisa beckoned over Jen. "Ant you know I can't do that! Look, talk to Jen about it all. I'll be back in a few hours. I need some... Air"

Ant stood up and walked with Jen. "She's not really going for air you know, quite the opposite. To fill her lungs with vile tar. Smoking is disgusting, I'm glad I never did it."

"Ant you did smoke, you only quit because you were forced to."

"Ahaha, I doubt that's true. I'd know that sort of thing!" They were in the Meeting Room and Ant was sat an on over sized sofa. "You've blocked a lot out. To get it back you need to help me to help you. We have to talk about what happened, about how you're dealing with it. Last time, you mentioned dreams. Tell me about this dream."

"The recurring one?"

"Yea, now close your eyes and walk me through it."

"Well, I'm at the podium for the start of I'm A Celeb, but Dec's not there. I look around and no one is... I'm alone. I hear screaming and I spin. Lisa is screaming. At me. I don't know why. There was blood. But I can't see what's bleeding." Ant was becoming clearly distressed "Now I'm home. I'm in London and I'm at Dec's, in his hall and I can see the bathroom. I go towards the bathroom and put my hand on the handle to push it open and I jump. I always jump. I get scared. The handle makes me afraid to go through the door. But there's something in there that I have to see. The light's off but I need something. As I push the door open, it's stiff. Something's in the way so I push my weight against it and then I snap awake." Ant looked very distant, he was very pale.

"Do you ever open the door? See what's inside?"

"It opens ajar, but closes. Something's stopping it."

"Does this happen every night?"

"Every night, all night. I can't use a toilet out of fear. Jen, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed. Now can you tell me why you fear the bathroom?"

"Something happened there. It's a bad place in general but I don't know why," He began to cry. "I'm a grown man and I can't use a toilet. My wife hates me and my best friend won't talk to me! What've I done?" He stood up, very angry. He walked towards Jen and stood above her and spoke in a very aggressive manner. "If I've been here for so long. WHY haven't YOU fixed me?!"

"These things take time. We need your help and you aren't being open enough."

"Doc, no one knows about that dream. NO ONE! So don't tell me that I'm not being open enough." Jen was shaking from fear. "You feel that? Fear?" Jen nodded. "That's me, 24/7, when I sleep, when I use the toilet. ALWAYS! You are here to help me. Until then, DO NOT BOTHER."

He left Jen quivering in her chair.

He had been having many violent episodes. Of course he had. These violent episodes were the reason he was in here. Jen knew that straight after these episodes he had a moment of immense clarity, regret and guilt. He was only stood outside the door. Jen could hear him cursing and punching the wall.

After about 5 minutes, he stopped and came back into the room. Standing in the door way, he spoke.

"I did it didn't I?"

"Did what?"

"It's all my fault. The reason he's not here?"

"Why is it your fault?"

"We were fighting. I... I was fighting. He hadn't done anything. I was angry. I don't know what I did but he ran. He ran into the bathroom and hid. He was holding onto the handle so I couldn't get in. I refused to let him stay there. I walked back, so I could run into the door. He must have thought I was leaving and went to open the door. I pushed it hard and he fell back. He hit his head on the bath. And..." Tears were streaming down his face. "And then I... I don't know. Everyone's shouting," he was breathing too quickly.

"Ant, listen to me. You need to calm yourself."

"We were arguing. He didn't want Lisa to come with us, but she had to, she wasn't working."

"Anthony, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth."

"Why wasn't she working? What had changed?"

"Breathe with me. You ready? 1...2...3...4. And again, 1...2...3...4" Ant's breathing had slowed down a little. "Good, carry on. Count to yourself. Good, well done." After a while Ant's breathing had returned to normal.

He was fidgeting. Constantly fidgeting. Regaining his attention was hard, but necessary. This was the first time in the two months Ant had been there that he had had an episode whilst under observation.

"Anthony, tell me what just happened."

"You told me I need to be open, so I will be."

"Is that the last thing that I said to you?"

"Yea. Now what do you want to know?" Jen was scribbling away. "I SAID WHAT DID YOU WANT TO KNOW?" Jen finished her sentence and looked up to Ant, who was sweating and red with anger.

"I want to know why you're so angry."

"Because this is stupid. I'm still me. Still normal. And you won't let me see Dec."

"We let you see Lisa."

"And for that I'm grateful" Ant retorted sarcastically, "but Declan. Two months I haven't seen him for now. That's the longest ever. You need to let me see him." Jen stood up and took Ant outside the room. They stopped outside the door and Jen pointed at a group of holes and dints in the wall.

"How did they get there?" Ant shrugged his shoulders. "Could you have done this?" Ant shook his head. "Are you sure?" He looked at her, the realisation in his eyes. He lowered his head to the floor and ever so slightly shook his head. "Do you want to see what happened?" After a small nod, Jen took him up to the CCTV room to watch the tape.

It was played. Ant looked at the man destroying the wall, his face in utter shock.

"I...I... Never did that. I can't remember. Why? Why can't I remember?"

"Think. What happened when I asked you to open up more?"

"Something, but I don't know what. It's black. Like the dream. I can't open the door. I can't see what I did."

"You got angry, aggressive, and very violent."

"Was anyone hurt?" Was all Ant could reply with.

"Other than a few beaten walls, no. But you have to remember. You are blocking it out, like the door. I'll help you open it but only if we can stop you blanking out." Ant was paying no attention.

"So how often has this happened?"

"You have an episode at least once a day, but they've been increasing. You have to learn to control them now. It's lucky you're here after one so we can talk about it and this should help you when the next one happens."

"Jen, I think I've had enough for today. Can I go email Dec please?" Jen nodded and Ant walked towards the door. Just as he pulled on the handle, Jen spoke.

"Ant, do you know that Dec doesn't get the emails, that you're not sending them to him?" Ant fell silent.

He bowed his head and whispered "Yeah, I know. Just makes me feel like I still have him."

"Where is he?"

"Away, hiding, free. He's everything I'm not."

And with that he slowly walked out the room. Jens heart sank. She knew how hard this was going to be for Ant when he realised what had happened. He was holding on to Dec with everything he could and soon it wouldn't be enough. Lisa was all he had left, but he didn't really have her anymore. Not knowing what was going on was probably the best thing for him.


	2. One Minute 2

_"Come on Dec, where the bloody hell are you?!" Ant as per usual was sitting in the car with Lisa._

_ Dec was once again running late. Ant lowered down the window and shouted into Dec's house. "Come on, man! We've got interviews to do, get your arse out here!" A few moments later, Dec emerged from his house looking as dapper as ever in a new grey suit. _

_"You see, Ant, I like to take my time to look this great! You on the other hand," he half grinned. "Well you could have spent more time getting ready." _

_"Oh, listen to you now! Who's the pretty boy?" Ant teased. "Don't you look so very cute for all the ladies." _

_"Oi! I don't look cute," he pulled his blazer tight and dramatically spun to look at Ant. "I look **sensational**!"_

_ The two lads looked at each other and burst out laughing. _

_"Now, now boys. Fancy not flirting while I'm sat here?" Lisa winked. _

_"What's up, Lis? You getting jealous of me and your man?" Dec put his hand on Ant's shoulder. Ant chuckled and brushed his hand off. _

_"Now, now. Let's keep the woman happy." _

_"Oi! Who you calling a woman?! I have a name!" The three of them were laughing their heads off hurling insults at each other. _

_Suddenly, Dec's phone buzzed. It was his reminder to tell him the interview was in 5 minutes "Shit! Maybe we should get going!"_

Ant was rolling around and laughing in his sleep.

That was what he missed the most.

Lisa, Dec and himself mucking around together, 3 best friends, the dynamic trio!

He rolled over to the left and fell off the bed, meeting the floor with a large thud. Within seconds there was someone in there to check on him. When he sat up he was crying, he hadn't hurt himself he just hated where he was.

At home he would never have fallen out of bed. It was much too big, but here he sleeps on a very small single bed. No king sized double. He just thinks about what he had and he's a mess. He turns over and he's on the floor. It's not home, and that's all Ant can think of.

By Ant's next session with Jen, Ant was very up for improvement. He was answering the questions asked, and in the manner Jen wanted.

He was allowed to see Lisa for a bit and he even got a phone call to his mum.

He never once mentioned Dec; he knew it wouldn't go down well. He figured if he kept what he wanted to say to himself, he still got to say it, but no one thought he was crazy!

A week had passed and Ant was still showing fantastic progress.

Lisa sat in on one of the meetings and was convinced Ant was doing very well so asked if she could take him out for a bit of lunch. Normally this would be forbidden but giving all the progress made, the clinic bent the rules just this once.

Ant and Lisa spent the day shopping and went to the cinema. It was just like old times, the two of them enjoying a romantic day out. It was obvious that Lisa was on edge. She knew Ant had been improving but he still wasn't top notch, and she didn't know if he could remember they'd split up, since that's what had caused this whole situation, she decided not to mention it.

The film they went to see was called Frozen, a new Disney musical.

When they took their seats, Ant noticed a small man, of a similar age to himself with short brown hair and a blonde girl on his arm.

"Lisa, you never said he would be here."

"Who?"

"Look there, 3 rows in front... It's Declan with some girl."

"I highly doubt it's him, love…... Anyway if it is, he clearly doesn't want disturbing so let's leave them to it."

The film started but Ant was staring at the couple 3 rows in front. He couldn't take his eyes of them. To him this man was no one else but Dec.

"Come on, stop staring please. It's not him."

"It is! Look he's got his ring on and his watch. I promise you, that's him. I think I know what my best friend looks like."

"Well can we watch the film and we'll discuss the gentleman later."

It got to the end of the film and Ant had loved it. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" Lisa laughed; it had been ages since she'd seen Ant being himself again. His singing voice hadn't improved but he'd obviously enjoyed the film.

He took her out for some food and they talked like old times. Lisa has forgotten what had happened, she forgot who Ant had become, he seemed back to normal, joking and messing around. Making her feel special. They had the best time ever.

When they left, the couple from the cinema walked in. "Oh, hey Dec."

"Excuse me?"

"Dec, it's me- Ant. How've you been?"

"Sorry I think you've got me confused with someone else." The man was clearly afraid; he knew who this was and what had happened to Dec. It had been everywhere. He was terrified.

"NO! I know it's you! You need to stop lying to my face!" Ant had an elbow across his throat, pinning him against the wall.

"Bloody hell Ant! What the fuck are you playing at? Let that man go now!" Lisa yelled

"No! I've waited long enough to speak to Declan and punish him for never visiting me. Here's my chance."

"Anthony David McPartlin, don't you dare lay a finger on that man or God rest your soul!" Ant didn't loosen his grip. "I don't want to ask you twice. Want me to tell this to Jen? It'll help you stay in longer." Ant shook his head "Right, so let the man go and apologise for being such a prick."

"No, no, it's alright. No apology is needed! As long as you're getting better pal." The guy was released from Ant's grips. As soon as Ant let go, Lisa ushered him outside and towards the car park.

"Ant, what on earth are you playing at! I told you that man was not…..Him...But you ignored me! You could have hurt that man! What on earth is going on?!"

Ant sat in silence. The only 3 words he spoke were, "Take me back." Lisa did it in the blink of an eye. The car ride was quiet and tense.

* * *

"Ant, come on. This is the 12th session you've missed now. You've not left your room for 2 weeks. Come on, I can't keep sitting on the other side of the door."

Jen had been sitting on the hard wooden chair for hours. She was trying her hardest to get Ant to open the door but it wasn't easy. When was anything ever easy?

On the other side of the door was a table, jammed against the door knob. It wouldn't matter how hard it was pushed, no one would get in and that's just what Ant wanted. He only moved from his bed when the food trolley came past for his 3 meals a day.

The cinema had been the worst thing for Ant, and it provoked the worst possible outcome. He had gone back inside his shell and was now in a worse place than when he started.

Complete denial of anything that had happened. What could be done for him? If he didn't want help, and wasn't willing to co-operate, meds would be the only option. That was a path neither Ant nor Jen wanted to take.

Jen had been told that with this being the third week Ant had not left his room in, if he didn't come out or cooperate then he would be sent to prison to be put in solitary confinement to do the sentence he was served. Jen was getting no where with him.

"I've got something you might want to see. I don't even know if you're awake or listening but some evidence from the night has been released and I've managed to get my hands on Dec's phone," Jen heard movement inside the room so continued. "Everything's been wiped from it apart from one video, it's recorded in Dec's bathroom. I think you might want to see it. I haven't yet but it looks important." There was no further noise from Ant. "I've got to give this back in an hour, this is the only time you'll have to see this and I know you're in a bad place at the moment but I have moved heaven and earth to get you this and this is the only opportunity that you've got to see this. It's only a minute long, might as well."

Jen waited. She heard the table being picked up and placed back onto the floor, the handle turned and the door opened to reveal a black eyed, unshaven, shell of a man hanging onto the wooden frame.

Jen walked in and saw all the mouldy food around the room, she pointed to it and raised an eyebrow to Ant.

"I'm punishing myself, bad men shouldn't eat, the temptation is there but I know it's wrong. I'm teaching myself to resist what I want and have what I need."

"Ant why've you been doing it this way?! That's what I'm here for!"

"You're here to make me remember and move on. This helps me remember and come to grips with what I did."

"Okay, so what did you do then?"

"We're not discussing this now. Do you have the phone for me?"

"Yes, but it is to be viewed in the surveillance room. It'll be just me and you, but the screen is bigger and better quality than this smashed iPhone okay?" Ant nodded. "You do realise that means we are leaving the room, so do you want to change at all?" Ant shook his head and gestured to the door.

The two walked the bright white corridors to the surveillance room. Ant sat down in the main chair whilst Jen hooked the phone up to the system and played the video.

A shaky voice started speaking.

"Hey mate. I'm hoping you'll see this. I just want you to know that this stupid fight wasn't your fault." Ant could see Dec; he was red in the face from crying. His breathing was erratic.

"You're the one I go to when I'm having a panic, bit hard when you're breaking down the door in front of me, but..." He shrugged his shoulders. Ant could hear himself hurling abuse at Dec, throwing things at the door and seeing them shatter in the frosted window. Dec was constantly flinching.

"It was selfish of me to ask you not to invite Lisa out. I just wanted some us time. Look I'm sorry. But this... This anger... Your anger needs to be managed! There's no easy way to say this, but right now, I'm terrified. I'm so afraid right now. I don't know what you're going to do. I don't know how this will end. Can you hear that? That's you shouting. I don't know what you're saying."

Dec dropped again thinking the glass on the door had been smashed.

"Just know that I don't blame you for whatever the result of this is. I love you, and I love Lisa. I know people say that a bromance is never as good as a romance but I guess that's why my relationships never worked. You and me- it's always been my number one priority, and I know it's yours too. Besides Lisa, of course. If it's the last thing you hear from me, I want to tell you I love you and I hope you get help. You'll cope alone, I'm sure. Just get sorted. For Lisa….. For me… For you. Love you pal..."

There was a silence on the line. Dec dropped his phone and crouched by the door, and he slowly put his hand and the handle and went to open. Just as he did the door flew open and Dec was thrown backwards onto the hard tile bath.

All the camera saw was Ants face, red with anger scanning the room. His eyes fixed upon the direction Dec had been thrown and he shouted out to his friend. Not in hatred, or anger. But fear. He needed a response but was met with silence.

Jen looked over at Ant who was crying his eyes out. The video had ended and it was just a black screen now.

"Did you see? Did you see how afraid he looked?" Ant said between sobs. "He was afraid of me? But he still loved me?"

"Ant, you and Dec had a friendship no one will ever be able to understand. You two were made for each other and you showed that. Dec told you how much you meant to him in that. His last moments weren't thinking about himself, but about you."

"His dying words were "love you pal" he was going through an almighty panic attack and he still managed to tell me how much I meant to him and I was causing that panic!" Ant was sobbing profusely. "How could I do that to him? Look at what I did to him! He's dead, all because of me." There was a long silence.

Ant just looked up at Jen, he was as white as a ghost.

"Dec is dead because of me. I killed my best friend."

He broke down sobbing. Jen hugged Ant. Nothing could be said.

The video had spoken a thousand words in a shorter time then Jen could ever have managed.

One minute of a loved ones time is more valuable than anything else.


End file.
